Thursday, March 24, 2011

Embarrassing Moments

With Spring rearing its head every once in a while, my thoughts have turned to Easter. For most, Easter brings up memories of flowers, girls in pretty dresses and hats, colorful eggs and the Easter Bunny filling your basket. Like I said, for MOST. What does this Holiday dredge up for me? Horrible, horrible memories.

Like the story my family loves to tell over and over and over...well, they have their version. Here's mine. It was the year my family (most notably one of my brothers) played a very, very mean trick on me.

I was the first one up on Easter morning. I couldn't be bothered with eating breakfast. I had to find my basket. I mean, come on, Easter Bunny. Did you really think I would eat my breakfast FIRST? Geesh, I was a kid. And, to tell you the truth...I'm not sure I would adhere to that rule even now and I'm much older!

So, I started searching all the usual places. Behind curtains, under tables and chairs, in closets. Nada. I'm pretty sure that I found everyone else's basket at least 3 times. But mine was nowhere to be found. I was growing increasingly frustrated. And I was getting angry. Not a good combination. First, I started stomping. Loudly. I'm sure I was shaking my fists in the air as well. Then I started yelling. Loudly. I was determined this would make my Easter basket just appear out of nowhere! THEN I started cursing! On Easter, of all days! "Where's my G**DA** Easter Basket!" I'm sure I said more than that...but this is what everyone remembers. I pretty much woke up the entire house.

Then my mom came downstairs. She was NOT happy, as you can imagine.

Mom: "Was there a note left for you guys?"

Me: "Yes."

Mom: "What did the note say?"

Me: "To eat breakfast before we looked for our baskets."

Mom: "Did you do that?"

Me: "No."

Mom: "So, why don't you go to the dishwasher and get a bowl and spoon out and have a bowl of cereal?"

I obliged her, even though I was super-pissed. I opened up the dishwasher and viola! the Easter Basket was IN THE DISHWASHER! If I had eaten my breakfast first, I probably would have found it.

This is probably the top most embarrassing moment in my life. I mean, its just a little indiscretion. I didn't follow directions, I woke up my family and I screamed obscenities on one of the most Holy of all Holidays. I really, really, really HATE when my family brings this particular embarrassing moment to light for whatever reason. Maybe by posting it here...I can FINALLY lay it to rest!

OK, so believe it or not, the Easter Basket fiasco was not the only horrible thing to happen to me around Easter. One Easter Saturday afternoon, I was playing tennis against the brick wall. I was trying to serve it the right way. I was having a rough time of it. One of my brothers thought maybe he can help me. He told me to stand back, then proceeded to swing the racket RIGHT AT MY FACE! I remember seeing it get closer and closer before BAM! it whacked me in the nose!

I got to spend the evening in the ER that night. Missed coloring eggs. And then my eye turned the most bright shades of purple, yellow, black and blue. We called it my "Easter Egg Eye."

Ah, memories. Its a wonder I survived childhood!

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